In the shadow

I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts lately. In the past few months I’ve been closer to the deaths of two children than I’d like to be. The first was a young boy who at age six, after a hard fought battle, lost the fight against leukemia. The other happened last week. After a long medical and emotional journey to get pregnant, the mother who was six months pregnant lost her baby and nearly her own life. In strange but tragic coincidence these two families are good friends.
With five kids of my own and I can’t even begin to imagine how these parents must feel. When I got the most recent news I was at work and pretty much blocked the impact all day. On my ride home I began to feel the weight of the loss. My stomach became uneasy and I didn’t eat much that night. The father and I had a conversation not long ago sharing our pregnant wife stories and him just beaming with joy knowing he would be a father. I had seen this couple a few days before and everything seemed perfect. Mom looked great and dad was really starting to think father type thoughts. Little did they know that their perfect world was going to end so soon. I did all the normal stuff; sent out the prayer request to all my church friends and talked to my coworkers about what a tragedy it is. But if I’m truly honest the guilty thought I keep having is I’m so glad this didn’t happen to my family. It almost seems unfair that my wife and I have five healthy kids. Some of my uneasy feeling comes from almost causing the death of one of my children in a car related accident several years ago; a story for another time.
Logically I know that in the grand scheme God has purpose in all of this. I know that God also didn’t make this happen and that nothing the parents did made it happen. Logic doesn’t help. You can’t use logic to deal with pain. Pain isn’t diminished by reason or anger or denial. The real struggle is to own your pain before it owns you.
I’ve been trolling through the bible to help come to terms with these tragedies. I didn’t find the perfect verse. The passage I kept coming back to is the resurrection of Lazarus. Before Jesus went to Lazarus he told his disciples that Lazarus had fallen asleep and he was going to go a wake him. Everybody knew what “asleep” meant. Now the disciples understandably didn’t want to go to Lazarus because he was in Bethany and the last time they were there the locals tried to kill Jesus. So they get to Bethany and Lazarus’s sisters are feeling that crushing sorrow of loosing their brother. Mary is so upset she can’t leave the house until Jesus sends for her. This is the part that brings me some kind of comfort. Now Jesus knows Lazarus is dead and he has told several people that he will bring Lazarus back from the dead. This is pretty good news. This is the kind of news that you think Jesus would be pretty excited to tell everybody about. But that’s not how it goes. When Mary finally comes to Jesus she just can’t keep it together any more and breaks down weeping at the feet of Jesus. In verse 35 is just says “Jesus wept”. He didn’t tell her everything would be alright or explain what he was going to do he simply wept. He allowed the sorrow and the pain to, as the bible says to be “deeply moved”.
I don’t have any advice for people who have lost children. I can only imagine how that must feel. The thing I cling to, is knowing that our God loves us enough to be deeply moved by our pain.

Unity

The Rauns and the Umsteads made just about every local news outlet this weekend; some positive and some not so positive. Below is a letter by Laura Deitrick the daughter of Mrs. Umstead, to the Pottstown paper to answer the front page article that ran this past weekend. (link here) It looks like an old fashioned back pedal by the township. The township has made statements and put up a post on the township website (link here) interestingly the facts released only represent part of the picture. In the end I think it is important not to demonize the township officials. People make bad decision all the time. If you give someone the chance to think about their decision without beating them with the stupid/guilt/shame stick they will usually take steps to correct the situation. If, however you make someone feel bad enough about a decision they made they tend to make more bad decisions. Unfortunately our political climate at all levels has evolved into an “us verses them” process. The news is filled with adversarial images; “the battle lines have been drawn”, “boxers in the ring”. All of these images suggest that one side is right and the other wrong. I think we are called to be collaborative with one another.
About this time of year back in 1860 a new member of the fledgling Republican party was getting ready for the presidential election that he won that fall. This small town mid-west lawyer would face arguably the toughest decisions ever faced by a president. Through it all he always knew he would accomplish more by working with his adversaries than against them. Members of his own cabinet fought bitterly and he would bring them in a room together and keep them there until they worked things out. At his inauguration the battle lines had been drawn. The ceremony was marked by the attendance of an entire garrison to fight any number of possible adversaries. The new president started his term by arguing that our responsibility as a nation, detailed in our Constitution was “to form a more perfect union”. I use this president not as proof of position or an argument for or against a political position. I use this man as an example of what can be overcome by taking the attitude that we are created equal and we are meant to live with one another. Go and read Matthew 22:36-40.
I pray that at the next meeting that bad decisions will be corrected and that the community shows the same grace to the township supervisors that it has shown the Rauns and the Umsteads.

Thursday, September 18, 2008
To the Editor:
While today’s article (“Elderly residents resist land purchase for park”) seems to suggest that the Perkiomen Township Board of Supervisors do not intend to condemn the Umstead and Rawn Properties, the Board’s prior actions and correspondence suggest otherwise. As the Umstead’s daughter, I am intimately aware of the details of this travesty of justice.
In correspondence from the Township Solicitor, the property owners were told that they could not retain any portion of their lands but would need to agree to sell everything to the Township by the end of August or face condemnation. That is precisely why the Township convened a “special meeting,” with inadequate public notice, to adopt a resolution condemning the property. Thankfully, enough residents were alerted through e-mail and word-of-mouth, and the meeting room was packed with those objecting to the proposed condemnations. No one spoke in favor of the Township’s plans to create additional unneeded parks through condemnation.
Residents have also learned that in 1998 the Township encouraged FEMA to expand its flood plain district to include parts of these properties, which have never flooded, in an effort to decrease their property values and development potential. Now the Township has engaged a realtor, not an appraiser, to value these properties as though they are single lots, even though they could be subdivided into multiple lots.
These elderly residents have owned and maintained these farms for decades at no cost to the Township. In fact, these property owners continue to pay real estate taxes while providing free open space to the Township. In other instances, the Township has chosen to pay property owners for conservation easements. While the Township suggests that the owners can continue to live on the land as tenants, would any of the Supervisors like to have public trails and facilities on their property?
Please take the time to read more at www.helpoutyourneighbor.com. We promise to keep you informed.
Laura Dietrich

Help out your Neighbor

We often hear how some form of government has made a bad decision. Well this is happening right here in our backyard. The Perkiomen Township Supervisors have selected two elderly families that have something they want, land. The township is using “eminent domain” to force long time residents from their homes to make a park. While parks are generally good things forcing people from their homes is too high of a price. To add insult to injury the “price” to be paid to the residents is far below market value. The good news is that the decision to do this is not finalized. Say what you will about our system of government but the people about to make this decision are just that, people. These people have names and will listen to the voice of the community. Make your voice heard; go to www.helpoutyourneighbor.com and help the supervisors make the right decision to keep our neighbors in their homes.

Back to School

Today was the first day of school and it seemed to put the weekend in the distant past. We had a great time on the farm. I got plenty of butterfly watching in and managed to get a few good pictures. Watching butterflies seems to have its own rhythm. You can’t make them pose or stop to get a picture. If you want to watch for any length of time you have to come to terms with being on their schedule and not yours. You also have no idea which kind will show up. I noticed that after a few days I would recognize the same butterfly from one day to the next. Different species also had different behaviors. Some fly slow and easy while other were so fast they were hard to follow. Keeping track, I ended up with positive identification of 14 different species. I observed two different butterflies that belong to the Skipper family and one that belongs to the Sulfur family. Each of these groups has dozens of different species that are hard to tell apart. I can’t help with all of the identification, my dad is a wildlife biologist and everything observed needs to be identified. I think its human nature from the beginning; after all it was Adams first big job. (see Genesis 2: 19-20) I think the best part about watching butterflies is just how intricate and beautiful they are. The funny part is that the only thing as beautiful as butterflies is the flowers they are attracted to. The beauty goes beyond the visible. Each is completely dependant on the other for survival and the relationship adds to the others existence. To sit a think about it is to ponder our very existence.

The other big highlight from the weekend was the play my kids put on for the grownups. It took them a few days to work out the screen play and the props and music. The play was called “The Flower Girl” and had a well developed script with each actor required to memorize their lines. My mom, a life long organist at every church we ever belonged to, played the music for the wedding scene. The play also had an intermission so my youngest could tell his scary story for the audience. The whole thing was fantastic. I’m going to try and get the scary story on paper. It was pretty scary from a five year old. Forgive me if I sound preachy or come off as a bragger but my kids are not allowed to watch TV and this is the kind of stuff they come up with to fill the day. The slide show is from the farm this past weekend.

Unwinding

Late yesterday afternoon we left for one of my favorite places; my parents farm in rural West Virginia. It seems like we spent most of the night driving. Due to my back my wife took all of the driving duties. We had a little rain that always makes night driving a little more stressful. The trip here is just shy of 400 miles and always follows the same pattern. The closer we get to the farm the sky gets darker and darker. Trees become the predominant feature of the landscape. Gone are the fast food places and strip malls. The weight of the human population becomes less and less. I can feel my head clearing just thinking about it. All day today I’ve not heard one siren, helicopter or jet engine.

My dad is a retired wildlife biologist and has spent the past 8 years of his retirement managing the farm for wildlife. He has planted hundreds of trees and spends much of this time of year mowing wildlife clearings. I’m not talking about a lawn. The mower is a 5 foot brush mower powered by a big 4 wheel drive Ford tractor. Much of what he is mowing is 2 to 3 year old Sumac about chest high and waist high grass fields. The idea is to create diversity in the habitat by having areas of different plant types; grass fields next to Sumac thickets next to young woods next to old woods. My dad and I went for a walk this morning and we looked at his most recent mowing. It is amazing how fast clearings from two years ago have grown up.

I spent some time today watching the butterfly bushes next to the house. I’m going to keep track of all the different butterflies I see while I’m here. The first picture is a Monarch that would have hatched within the past week or so. The beat up butterfly is called a Fritillary that hatched out this spring and is at the end of its life cycle. The Monarch will migrate south and return in the spring to lay eggs for the next generation. The Fritillary already laid its eggs and the caterpillars will winter over as pupae to hatch in the late spring next year.

I’m sitting on my parent’s front porch and I had to take a break to watch a large flight of Night Hawks feeding over one of the fields. They are a very distinctive bird that is fun to watch. Their flight is like a dance with constant quick changes in direction as they scoop up insects with their mouths. Their wings are long and pointy and they don’t have a distinguishable neck. They remind you of a very large barn swallow and are clearly built for maneuverability. I say mouths because their beaks are tiny but their mouth is almost as wide as their body and can open very wide. It works like a butterfly net scooping up insects. This is why their flight is erratic as they spot an insect and fly to catch it.

On The Mend

My back is considerably better today. My good friend Dr. Paul Bove put me on the fast track to healing. I saw him for the fourth time since this all started and as usual I felt great after my visit. He said in two weeks I should be back to 100%. I’ve been contacted by many of my friends and I’ve felt the prayers. I had foolish visions of doing my normal Sunday stuff at church yesterday. I got up and made it out of bed but was in no condition to drive. All I ended up doing was putting a last second task on some of the other volunteers. I thank them for their grace and for getting the work done. As traumatic events tend to do I’m motivated to spend some time keeping in shape. I got a good gentile workout in tonight and the best part was my wife (who’s in better shape) joined me. I will attempt to make this a habit. Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers.

Stuck

It’s been four days since I managed to hurt my back. I damaged the fibrous connections that surround your disks between the vertebrae. The bottom line is the inflammation is keeping me in bed. I’ve been able to stand for a few minutes and shuffle a few feet. To type this I’m on my side with my laptop sitting on a waste basket next to the bed. My good friend and chiropractor Dr. Paul Bove has made two house calls to fix me up. He truly has healing hands and has made a big difference. My wife has been the one to do all the other nurse duties. Just to clarify, for the first two days I was truly confined to my bed. The image of this conjures up a few questions. Part of my bedside equipment includes a large empty Gatorade bottle. I didn’t have to… well, you know, until day three and I was able to take care of things solo. I did need help to get to and from the bathroom. Eating “sideways” has been at the very least, messy. Sandwiches are not meant to be eaten horizontally. The first two days were the worst. The pain was enough to keep me from concentrating on anything, reading, writing, watching a movie. I have been able to stick to my “no TV for a month” challenge.
Yesterday I managed to read Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen. It is her story of walking the line between sanity and insanity. At 18 she went into a mental hospital and spent the next year and a half finding what most of us call reality. I was struck by two things; first it confirmed what I’ve always suspected. The distance between crazy and sane is short. Second, Kaysen gives the best description I’ve read of how our minds keep us from going nuts. My wife and I watched the movie ( movies don’t count for my TV challenge) and as usual it’s not as good as the book.
My big goal for today is to take a shower. It’s funny how much I miss my daily routine stuff. The past few days have had plenty of irony as well. Four days in bed and I’ve only been able to sleep a few hours. This has also has been the best weather we’ve had all summer. The up side has been some extra time with my family. I’m sure they see it a little differently but I’ll take what I can get.