How Much Truth?

I’m wrestling with how truthful I should be. You’re having lunch with a few friends and you notice a piece of green stuff stuck between your companion’s front teeth. You can’t hear a word they say. Their mouth is moving and all you see or think about is the piece of green stuff. Questions start to wander into your brain. What is it? How long has it been there? Why won’t it let go? How come they can’t feel it? Eventually someone else can’t take it any more and says something. I think this is one of the best indicators of friendship. The stakes are high in the “green stuff in the teeth game”. If you decide to say something but don’t deliver the message with the correct amount of subtlety it causes the type of embarrassment that damages any kind of relationship. On the flip side, if the person views you as a friend and someone else says something before you do; you have to endure the post “green stuff incident” flogging with the guilt stick. Comedian and actor Andy Kaufman would stick a fake plastic booger on his upper lip and watch people squirm under the interpersonal relationship pressure. I think he just wanted to know who his real friends were. Bad breath is another good test. Your boss comes in to your work space then into your personal space and delivers a blast of “I’ve been eating dead animals for a week” breath that nearly brings tears to your eyes. Most employees have an extremely well honed understanding of the complicated bad breath rules. If the boss asks for a breath check before a meeting; you give the honest answer; if the boss comes by in a moment of “relationship building” not so much. We go through our day running everything we say through a complex relationship filter. Being careful with our words is a good thing but most of the time we never say anything remotely close to what we are thinking. We don’t cross into the possibility of a deeper relationship.
The ultimate test of course is the fart. Being comfortable enough to let one go within ear shot of a friend is solid evidence of a comfortable relationship. Now I’m not talking about the scatological frat house “how gross can we be” stuff. True friends will give a warning and try to spare you any unnecessary respiratory distress. Things can be a little different between married couples. The phrase “I didn’t think it would smell that bad” has been uttered since the beginning of time. But I’ll leave the married thing for another time.
If I really think about it I don’t want people to be brutally honest all of the time. I don’t think I could handle it. I just know that I should take a more chances on connecting with people by being truthful.